It’s been a while since I have written anything for The Fire Within. Over the last few months, my life has changed in a big way and the Lord has been working on me and giving me things I need to learn.  

My life changed this year by having my son. Last year I started praying to God to change my heart to be ready to have a child. I have always wanted to be a mother, but I was still trying to pursue my career, and, in all transparency, I was terrified of becoming a mother. I was terrified that I wouldn’t be good at it, and I would be a failure. As I continued to pray to God about changing my heart, he started to impress upon me that he did create me for a purpose and that he did create me to be a mother. It was a gentle massage of the heart for months. Then one day as I was on a prayer walk God gave me a name. At that moment I felt the Holy Spirit give me the nudge, ‘you are ready’.  

Several months later I became pregnant and then the real journey began. I thought that just praying for my heart to be prepared was the hard part but that was only the tip of the iceberg. I was elated to find out that I was pregnant with our first child yet something inside of me still felt a little off.  

Because of the new hormones and growing a baby my body found a new wave of exhaustion that I had never experienced before. I didn’t have the energy to get up early to do my devotionals or go to the gym as I had grown accustomed to doing, not to mention I had to limit my coffee intake so that really threw a wrench into my morning routine (my veins have coffee in them). Then I realized that I needed to clean out my home office to make room for the baby. Then it hit me all at once. My body was longer my own, my home was no longer just for my husband, myself and our dog, my life was no longer the same. We were adding a new addition. My world was changing. You might be thinking, well yeah Morgan, your life is going to change because you are having a baby but this change was different. I felt like I was losing parts of myself and gaining a new identity that I didn’t know.  

Please don’t misunderstand me I was happy to be pregnant, I was excited, but I was also scared and anxious.  

As I worked through my emotions, I realized that when I prayed to have a change of heart for pregnancy the change hadn’t fully occurred yet because the real change was learning to fully surrender to the will of God. To surrender I have to lose myself and gain God’s identity for me.  

Romans 12:1-2 states, “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.  

The significance of my body not being my own was realizing that my body was never mine to begin with, my body is a temple for God to dwell in so that he may use me to reach others. This home that I thought was mine is not, it’s a place to God to dwell and minister to those that I open the door to. My baby is not mine; he is the Lord’s child that he has blessed me with to take care of.  

Following Christ isn’t about keeping my body, my former lifestyle, doing things the way Morgan has always been doing things. It is about trying to do the will of God, God’s way.  

Following Christ is about surrendering my body and my soul to his plans and following his leadership through obedience and discipline. This is a daily surrender this isn’t a one and done kind of deal.  

Being pregnant I needed to change things in my life to ensure protection for my baby. Taking prenatal vitamins, limiting caffeine, continue to exercise, making room in our house for the baby’s room, allowing my body to slow down to give energy to my child and my body to grow to give room for my child to grow.  

With God every day is different, challenging me to grow deeper in relationship with him, yet he is constant. He is faithful, his love surrounds us in the world around us. By connecting to his word we can open our eyes and our hearts more clearly to his blessings around us. He provides when we don’t see a way, He give us strength when we are weak, He listens to us when we cry, and he listens when we sing praises to His name.  

My life isn’t about me, it’s about how God will work through me for the furthering of his kingdom. It’s about how God can work through me and on me to reach others around me.  

Dear Heavenly Father, I praise you that you created all of us, on purpose for a purpose. I pray that you will work within us to surrender to you daily and that you will use us to further your kingdom. Lord, I pray for the person that is far from you that they may be drawn into you, I pray for the person that is crippled with fear and anxiety and I pray that you will give them courage to overcome their fears and peace to calm their anxiety. Lord, I pray that we look to you daily that we may push forward in your name. Thank you for our many blessings and continue to be with us. In your son’s name. Amen.