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Becoming

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“So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today – to love the Lord your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul – then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and olive oil. I will provide grass in the fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied.” – Deuteronomy 11:13-15 

Moses was reminding the Israelites before they would enter the promise land to remember to follow God’s commands and not rebel as they did in the wilderness and the Lord will bless them.  

Have you ever had the thought that if you could just make it to your next goal, your next destination that everything would be better?  

In my life I have lived in moments where I thought that if I make it to the next milestone, to the next goal, when I get all these things, my life will be better. Several years ago, I was at a point in my life where I had a great job, in a leadership program for work, I was married to the guy I love and was finally debt free. Yet, my heart was in anguish, and I was confused on my purpose in life. I thought that I was at the point of arrival I had been praying for. 

I’ve been wrestling with this internal dilemma for years, and I started coming to the revelation that maybe the end destination isn’t the goal at all. It’s about the growth of who I am becoming within the process of getting to the next destination. 

Recently I was in a spin class, and our instructor made a comment that resonated with me, she said, “I am always in a season of growth.” For a moment I was like wait what, I’m not the only one and then she followed up with that she is continually growing that it’s not about the destination it’s about the growth. After that class in the car ride home, my mind started to think about the concept of growth and for some reason for me the Israelites are always what I think about when I think of growth. I think I resonate (not proudly) with dealing with the consequences of my actions and going against what the Lord has told me and recognizing my mistakes and coming back to him.  

While I think that God was 100% committed to saving the Israelites from slavery in Egypt, I think he also just wanted the hearts of his people to purely want him. Which is what he wants from us.  

The growth in our lives is the refining moments that get our hearts where they need to be in our relationship with Christ. Making it to the promised land didn’t mean that the growth was supposed to stop. It continued. In every season the Israelites had to listen and follow God. Just as God is asking the same of us.  

The wilderness taught dependence.  

The Promised Land required faithfulness.  

One season was about learning to trust God for daily manna.  

The next was about trusting Him while planting vineyards, raising families, governing a nation, and resisting the temptation to become like everyone around them.  

Sound familiar? 

The location changed.  

The need for transformation never did.  

We often imagine life in chapters:  

“Once I get married…”  

“Once I have children…”  

“Once the babies sleep…”  

“Once I’m healthier…”  

“Once I finally conquer this sin…”  

We expect arrival.  

But God seems far more interested in continual formation than final arrival. Every new season simply uncovers another layer of our heart that He wants to redeem.  

For me personally I struggle with the seasons of plenty like the Israelites because life seems to get a little easier, I start to feel like I can handle life on my own, whereas when I am in my wilderness seasons or harder growth seasons, I tend to depend more on God and listening to his word, diving in more for answers because he is my rock when I am not strong but yet I when life gets easier I tend to jump off the rock and start working on my own instead of being faithful to the rock that was there for me.  

I started reading more about the Israelites and in Deuteronomy 3:21-29 Moses is speaking about how the Lord told him that he would not be going into the promise land.  

Let’s be real if I was Moses, I would be begging the Lord to let me go in too. You asked me to lead this selfish group for 40 years to get to this place and we are getting there and I don’t get to go in? The Lord told Moses to go to the top of Pisgah and look at the land from there, but he would not be crossing the Jordan. Then the Lord tells Moses, “But commission Joshua, and encourage and strengthen him, for he will lead this people across and will cause them to inherit the land that you will see.” The human instinct in me is to be mad for Moses, but the Lord had bigger plans. Moses had been through so much in 40 years, he had wisdom to share with Joshua but Joshua was the one God chose and when God makes those discissions do we tend to fight him about it or do what he ask of us and encourage the person that is taking over? Moses grew in those 40 years and the Lord used him to lead the people and that was what God intended for Moses.  

What about our own lives? What about when we have been prepping and pushing for one goal and the Lord says, no, not yet. It has happened to me more times than I would like because sometimes Morgan’s plans start to interfere with the plans that the Lord has for me.  

As I mentioned earlier, I was at a point in my life where I had been pushing my plans, the corporate girl, married wifey status and trying to make it all work but my heart was in anguish because I could feel God telling me, this isn’t the life that I have planned for you. You have been trying so hard to do your plan, you aren’t listening to me anymore. (ouch, gut check much?) Then I got pregnant with my son and God started to teach me Surrender in a whole new way that I never knew. (Link to that story here) Several months after he was born, I got pregnant with my daughter, and she was born 1 year and 4 days after my son. The first year of her life was extremely hard for me. The perfectionist in me to be the best mom, wife, employee, all the things to all people and God corrected my heart again and said I’m not asking you to be all the things to all people. I want you to be mine and if you can commit to me then the other areas of your life will align.  

Not saying that my life has gotten easier and problems disappeared, but they have become manageable because I see God instead of the problems and in all transparency not every day is like that but when I start on the right foot putting God first, it changes my perspective.  

Growth is a necessity in life, in our walk with Christ, in our relationships and in self-discovery but the thing that we have to realize is that while we may be putting in the work to change, God is the one actually making the change. He is the one that is making the muscle change and grow (he created our muscular system), the plants produce a harvest, (we plant it, he makes it grow out of the seed).  

Our life is not about arrival, its about becoming.  

Becoming who Christ is calling you to be.  

To become who Christ is calling us to be, we must look back at the Israelites and look in our own hearts and ask ourselves: 

  • What are the idols in our own life preventing us from getting to God? 
  • What weeds are in our heart garden and choking our growth? 
  • What is stealing God’s attention in our lives?  

Just as weeds steal sunlight, water, and nutrients from healthy plants, tolerated sin slowly steals our affection, our attention, and our capacity to hear God’s voice clearly. Not because God moves away, but because something else has begun occupying the space He desires to fill. 

So maybe the invitation isn’t to constantly strive for some impossible version of ourselves. 

Maybe it’s this: 

The Christian life is not one long journey toward finally arriving. It is one long invitation to continually surrender. 

The wilderness required surrender. 

The Promised Land required surrender. 

Exile required surrender. 

Restoration required surrender. 

Different landscapes. 

The same invitation. 

And perhaps that is what sanctification really is—not climbing a ladder toward God, but repeatedly opening another room of our heart and saying, 

“Lord, I didn’t realize this part still belonged more to Egypt than to You. Help me clear it out so there’s more room for Your life to grow.” 

Who is the Lord calling you to become? 

Lord, I thank you that, you love us so much that you will fight for us. You will save us when are drowning, you will lift us up and you are always there when we look for you. Lord our days are not perfect and I pray that for myself and anyone that reads this post will realize that you are more concerned about our hearts and refining our hearts to be more like you than you are about the destination we end at. Lord I pray that you will be with us like you were with the Israelites, that you will guide us and love us even on our worst days. Lord may the highest place we reach be at your feet and then we have done it all. We live in a world consumed about “making it” and you’ve never asked us to “make it” you ask us to come to you. May we come to you always. In your son’s name, Amen.  

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Light the Path

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Psalm 119:105:”Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. 

Do you ever desire to just know the plans that God has for you from start to finish?  

I’ll be very honest, I do. I would like a map, bullet point system of how to handle the messy parts of life, how to rejoice in the beautiful moments, and do everything that he asks me to do.  

A month ago, at 430 in the morning as I drove to my work out class, I started to wonder about when you are driving down a dark road with no road lamps, but there is a car in front of you so your auto brights turn off and all you can see are the taillights of the car a ways in front of you. You can only see what is right in front of you, unlike if there was no car in my path my brights would be on fully and I could see the sides of the road, the impending deer, the curve I should slow down for, I would be depending on my navigation skills and my own eyes with no one leading the way but I would be able to see things in front of me.  

Then I started thinking. Isn’t that what our life with Christ is like? When we don’t follow him and we just do it our own way or the world’s way, we see the path but it’s up to us to just figure it out. Where is we were to follow the car in front of us (Christ) and we followed the speed limit and continued on the road we wouldn’t have to constantly be on the lookout for deer or the curve the car in front of us would slow for the deer and would show us when to break to prepare for the curve. 

We are driving on the dark road of life and we are either following the car in front of us or we are doing it on our own.  On the road we have our secure vehicle carrying us, headlights that illuminate the road in front of us and the tail lights in the distance reminding you where you are headed.  

And yet we keep driving. Not because we can see everything but because we can see enough.  

We want God to illuminate his plan in our journey – the destination, the detours, the obstacles, the timing, the outcome. Instead, he gives us enough light to take the next step. The headlights reveal only what is immediately before us. The distant taillights are the promise, the calling, the direction He has given. Everything in between requires trust.  

There are seasons when God could reveal more but chooses not to. Not because he doesn’t love us or is withholding from us, but because moving too far out in front of us to where our bright lights come back on might hinder our dependance on him. If we could see every obstacle ahead, we might be tempted to turn around, take control, or become consumed by fear.  

Instead God let’s us encounter things as they come.  

The deer.  

The curve.  

In those moments, that is when we discover whether the vehicle carrying us is trustworthy. Is our relationship with Christ in a place that we can grieve openly and honestly, is our relationship so trustworthy that we can be open and surrender to our savior?  

Perhaps the lesson isn’t that God promises an obstacle free road. It’s that he promises to be present for every obstacle we encounter.  

As I studied Psalm 119:105 God started to reveal himself even more.  

The lamp unto our feet – is our Bible. Giving us the knowledge to not stumble over the roots of false values and philosophies.  

I was then directed to Proverbs 6:23 “For this command is a lamp, this teaching is a light and correction and instruction are the way to life” While this section of Proverbs is talking about adultery, the beginning talks about the teaching of our fathers and mothers and how we should keep our fathers commands and not forsake our mother’s teachings.  

As we think about our relationship with Christ, he gives us the commands within the Bible on how to live and the teachings we get from those commands and scriptures are the light which will guide our steps on these dark roads.  

I’ll be the first to admit I am constantly being taught and corrected and if you ask my parents, especially my mom she would tell you I always seemed to take the hard road because I never listened. She wouldn’t be wrong because there have been many parts of my life where I have refused to listen to wise advice because I wanted to see for myself. I wanted to see if God would fight to get me back and while you are not supposed to put God to the test, he does love his children and he will come find you. He will rescue you from the pits of hell if you will let him.  

As I continued to study the cross references, I was led to Psalm 19:8 “The precepts (rule/ principle) of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes.” The light that God gives us comes from knowing and following the commands he has given us. Which is why when we follow him we don’t have to put our bright lights on and depend on ourselves. His words will light the way in our lives.  

If you question his words, his commands, look at Psalm 12:6 “The words of the Lord are flawless, like silver purified in a crucible, like gold refined seven times.” Gold doesn’t have to be refined 7 times in actuality but the point that David is making in the Psalm is that 7 is the number of perfection or completion. God’s word is perfect, it’s complete. We just have to read it,  put it on our hearts and follow his commands.  

You may read this and think okay Morgan, that is good and well and I do believe that but how in the heck do you do that in real life?  

You don’t know my life; it’s hard.  

I get that I come from the school of hard knocks and I’ll be the first one to tell you that I have not followed all the things God has told me to do. I screw up daily, but my heart just wants to follow God and I am human. That is not an excuse for my sins and not listening but it’s a self-awareness that I won’t be perfect but like David, I can continue to have a heart that pursues God daily.  

God chose imperfect people to write the bible because the only perfect person was his son Christ Jesus. He wanted us to see that through our mistakes he would be there. He would give us guidance to help us move forward. Does he give us the full road map so we know when we need to make a u-turn, when the deer is in our path or the curve ahead. No he’s not going to. Trust me I’ve prayed for that and still haven’t gotten it. But I will tell you what I have gotten. Hard experiences that brought me closer to God in my relationship with him. He has taught me to learn to catch my negative thinking and turn it around. He has showed me the people in my life that are there for me. He has shown me how strong I am through giving me hard things to handle. The road that God has for us is not easy but it is worth it. When you let God light your way, it doesn’t get easier but it does start to mean something so much more, so much deeper.  

Heavenly Father, I thank you for the car in front of me at 430 in the morning that inspired this post. I thank you for John Knitter posting how he felt to remind me why you have it on my heart to write. Lord I thank you for the seasons of just enough and plenty. I thank you for guiding my path and I thank you for the person reading this post. Lord you have different paths for each of us and I pray that this would be our reminder from you to let you guide our steps. That your words would be forever imprinted on our hearts. That you would change us from the inside out. Lord I am not perfect and I won’t pretend to be but Lord I pray that you will be with me as I continue to pursue you with my whole heart.  

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A Case of “Mask”taken-identity  

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Have you ever been mistaken for someone else or tried to be someone else? I know with Halloween right around the corner everyone tends to dress up in costumes, something that they are not normally, but is that really just for Halloween or are we wearing a mask every day? 

Throughout my life I have worn many mask – to try and be popular, the party girl, the people pleaser, the hypocritical Christian, the overachiever, and several others. Over the last several years I have started breaking down the mask that I would hide behind to try and find the person that God created me to be. When you deny your true identity to come forward, we end up with a case of mistaken identity. We use the mask for a new identity to be something or someone that we are not.  

When I first started wearing masks in middle school it started easy, just be who people want you to be but then the internal dilemmas started that I didn’t know how to process. Instead of working through those internal dilemmas, I started creating more masks and trying to cover up and stay away from who I was because I didn’t like her and I didn’t think anyone else would like her. I didn’t really know her, but I didn’t like her. You may be thinking how do you not like someone you’ve never met? By believing lies about them. 

 I didn’t think that anyone else would like her so I decided to hide her. It became easier to change the mask because it started to become my “armor” to take away the pain of not having real friends and feeling lonely. After a while the armor allowed me to be numb and not worry about anyone but myself, or so I thought, but I was still the lonely girl the only difference was that I was numb to the pain that I was feeling. The problem with being numb is that eventually the numbness wears off and the pain comes back and when you have been numb for years the pain that bubbles up is unbearable, it feels shameful, its hard to walk through the wreckage.  

After years of struggles, therapy and deepening my faith in Christ I had to confess to myself that I actually had a deep hate for myself because I felt as though I was never enough. Growing up I started to learn about God and his love but then I started listening to the lies of the devil that after small mistakes had me thinking I wasn’t worthy of God’s love let alone anyone else’s but yet I craved it. The lies made me think that I had to do and be all things for everyone instead of who God created me to be.  

I asked God’s forgiveness for hating myself, for not believing in who he created me to be, falling into a life of sin to try and hide the pain and made a promise to start working through my problems.  

The journey to break through the masks has been hard and painful but it’s been extremely rewarding to truly find out who I am. A woman who loves Christ, who loves those closest to her, has big feelings and is emotional (yes I cry reading a good card), and is still working on herself daily.  

This past week I was in a spin class and the instructor was talking about how she used to fake putting on more resistance on the wheel and make it look like she was struggling. She explained that when she faked it she only cheated herself from growth. It made me start thinking about the mask that I have used in my life. They all cheated me out of finding who God created me to be earlier in my life and building that confidence. They cheated me of opportunities to let God into my heart earlier to help me through problems and rely on him. Instead, I wore the masks and relied on myself, leaving me broken and lonely.  

Now that I have committed to following Christ I have started to break down the masks and take up my cross. It has been a long process that still continues. It is a daily battle, continual surrender to be who God is calling me to be. It is not easy, I meet opposition all the time to discourage me from following the path God has on my life, (like trying to write blog post) but I have to endure and press forward in faith, in who God created me to be.

Paul reminds us in Ephesians that we are to “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” (6:11-17) 

The difference with my worldly mask that I thought was armor is that it was just the appearance of armor but with God, he gives us armor to protect ourselves and to fight back. The masks that I wore didn’t protect me, it only hurt me, God’s armor protects me.  

The world wants us to be acceptable by the world’s standards (money, fame, looks, clothes, cars etc.) God wants us to pursue his heart just as we are. We can come as broken and ugly as we believe we are and he loves us that way and works within our broken pieces to make us new, not because he doesn’t love us but because he DOES love us. 

His love for us wants what is best for us. That is a life that is following his word, full of faith, helping and loving other, and learning to love ourselves.  

Heavenly Father, I praise you that you helped me take off my mask and you revealed to me who you have called me to be. Though I still sometimes fail I praise your name that you do not give up on me. Lord thank you for the person that read this post and I pray that if they are still hiding behind a mask that you will move within their heart to take off the mask and reveal their true identity of who you created them to be. Heavenly Father you are the master creator and I praise you that you created me and all the people of this Earth, I pray that myself and others will come to you and fall at your feet. Lord lead us to follow you. Thank you for another day on this earth. In your son’s name, Amen.  

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Surrender  

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It’s been a while since I have written anything for The Fire Within. Over the last few months, my life has changed in a big way and the Lord has been working on me and giving me things I need to learn.  

My life changed this year by having my son. Last year I started praying to God to change my heart to be ready to have a child. I have always wanted to be a mother, but I was still trying to pursue my career, and, in all transparency, I was terrified of becoming a mother. I was terrified that I wouldn’t be good at it, and I would be a failure. As I continued to pray to God about changing my heart, he started to impress upon me that he did create me for a purpose and that he did create me to be a mother. It was a gentle massage of the heart for months. Then one day as I was on a prayer walk God gave me a name. At that moment I felt the Holy Spirit give me the nudge, ‘you are ready’.  

Several months later I became pregnant and then the real journey began. I thought that just praying for my heart to be prepared was the hard part but that was only the tip of the iceberg. I was elated to find out that I was pregnant with our first child yet something inside of me still felt a little off.  

Because of the new hormones and growing a baby my body found a new wave of exhaustion that I had never experienced before. I didn’t have the energy to get up early to do my devotionals or go to the gym as I had grown accustomed to doing, not to mention I had to limit my coffee intake so that really threw a wrench into my morning routine (my veins have coffee in them). Then I realized that I needed to clean out my home office to make room for the baby. Then it hit me all at once. My body was longer my own, my home was no longer just for my husband, myself and our dog, my life was no longer the same. We were adding a new addition. My world was changing. You might be thinking, well yeah Morgan, your life is going to change because you are having a baby but this change was different. I felt like I was losing parts of myself and gaining a new identity that I didn’t know.  

Please don’t misunderstand me I was happy to be pregnant, I was excited, but I was also scared and anxious.  

As I worked through my emotions, I realized that when I prayed to have a change of heart for pregnancy the change hadn’t fully occurred yet because the real change was learning to fully surrender to the will of God. To surrender I have to lose myself and gain God’s identity for me.  

Romans 12:1-2 states, “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.  

The significance of my body not being my own was realizing that my body was never mine to begin with, my body is a temple for God to dwell in so that he may use me to reach others. This home that I thought was mine is not, it’s a place to God to dwell and minister to those that I open the door to. My baby is not mine; he is the Lord’s child that he has blessed me with to take care of.  

Following Christ isn’t about keeping my body, my former lifestyle, doing things the way Morgan has always been doing things. It is about trying to do the will of God, God’s way.  

Following Christ is about surrendering my body and my soul to his plans and following his leadership through obedience and discipline. This is a daily surrender this isn’t a one and done kind of deal.  

Being pregnant I needed to change things in my life to ensure protection for my baby. Taking prenatal vitamins, limiting caffeine, continue to exercise, making room in our house for the baby’s room, allowing my body to slow down to give energy to my child and my body to grow to give room for my child to grow.  

With God every day is different, challenging me to grow deeper in relationship with him, yet he is constant. He is faithful, his love surrounds us in the world around us. By connecting to his word we can open our eyes and our hearts more clearly to his blessings around us. He provides when we don’t see a way, He give us strength when we are weak, He listens to us when we cry, and he listens when we sing praises to His name.  

My life isn’t about me, it’s about how God will work through me for the furthering of his kingdom. It’s about how God can work through me and on me to reach others around me.  

Dear Heavenly Father, I praise you that you created all of us, on purpose for a purpose. I pray that you will work within us to surrender to you daily and that you will use us to further your kingdom. Lord, I pray for the person that is far from you that they may be drawn into you, I pray for the person that is crippled with fear and anxiety and I pray that you will give them courage to overcome their fears and peace to calm their anxiety. Lord, I pray that we look to you daily that we may push forward in your name. Thank you for our many blessings and continue to be with us. In your son’s name. Amen.  

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Birds

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“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”” Hebrews 13:5 

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” Matthew 6:26 

He will take care of the birds; he will take care of you.  

This morning another bird flew into my house.  

Yes, I said another because a year ago I had 3 fly in at the same time and I didn’t know until my dog, Arnie, started barking at the one on the chandelier. I was preoccupied with work and left the door open so Arnie could go in and out. The first time the birds flew in I only saw two, one on the chandelier and the other on the bar cart next to the window. I ran to the back door to fling it open and eventually got the 2 birds I saw out. I closed the door in a sigh of relief. I won’t relieve the story of calling my husband, my mother and freaking out in the middle of the call with my boss. After the two birds left, I went back to work in my office and as I reached a stopping point and was on the phone with my husband, I came around the corner to find another bird popping out of the basket with an extra blanket and throw pillows. I freaked out again. I went through the same hoopla and eventually got the bird out before my husband got home.  

You would think after that I would be well versed in the art of not keeping the door open and getting birds to escape your home, but I am not.  

This morning, I was lying in bed with the door open finishing up my devotional about to get ready to kick off my day when all a sudden a bird flew into my bedroom into the plantation shutters getting itself stuck. I immediately go into a small panic of crap not again. Knowing I wasn’t supposed to leave the door open.  

I open the shutters and shoo the bird out of my room only for him to fly right into another set of shutters, by passing the door that he just came in through. As I watched the bird struggle with the shutters, I closed the rest on the other windows and started to close the doors so that he wouldn’t go into the other rooms or windows. I swing the back door open as wide as it will go. I get my floor swifter to hit on the floor to make sounds to keep it away from the other side of the house and my dog is sitting watching me as if to say, lady you did it again and you still don’t know what to do. I talked to the bird, tried to persuade it to go back out the door by even walking out the door myself. I was trying to bring out my inner Dr. Dolittle, needless to say I am not Dr. Dolittle as hard as I tried. 

The bird did not follow my directions, pretty sure that I was scaring him and not helping him. He went in the opposite direction and went to the front door. At which point I ran to the other side of the house and started making noises to try and prevent him from going into other parts of the house. The noises worked because sure enough he took off from the front door back to the same window he was just at, this time he went beak first into the window and fell straight to the ground. In that moment I questioned whether he was stunned or was he dead. I feared that he was dead because I didn’t see his little body move to show signs he was breathing. I was too terrified to touch the bird and put a rocking chair in front of it to prevent Arnie from getting any ideas about trying to go after it. After a while I wanted to take a picture to prove to my husband that he needed to leave work and come get this dead bird and as soon as I moved the chair the bird miraculously came to and started to fly and flew right back into the same window. I started to leave him alone and opened the back door again. I even opened the front door this time to see if he would go that way and he wouldn’t, he was determined to go out that window. The wind caused the front door to close which just left the door that he came in through as his only exit. 

I decided that I would make my breakfast and take it to my bedroom and shut the door, leave him in peace to see if he would leave. The shutters in our room were still open so I could see out my window, through the open door to the window where the bird was still trying to figure out how to get out. I watched as he jumped from the window seal to the bar cart, to the ground, to the console table over and over. As I watched the bird in confusion I gave up on him ever leaving my house I decided to focus on some work and after about 30 minutes I came back out to see that I couldn’t find the bird. I didn’t see him fly away but I checked the whole house, and he wasn’t there. He finally figured it out. He made his way back out.  

I started thinking as this was going on. Is that how God feels when I go in doors I’m not supposed to go into. He is trying to do things to get my attention to get me out. To talk to me through people, through the Holy Spirit and guide me out and yet I don’t listen. I know in my own life I have been so stubborn that like the bird I have bumped into the same window over and over again. Like the bird I have ran into the window to only knock myself out for a time but like the bird I have been knocked out yet not destroyed.  

As I thought about God, I think he would have been calmer when getting my attention, touched me when I knocked myself out but as I think back on the things in my life that he has had to do to get my attention. He sent a youth pastor to tell me that people in my youth group did want me to be there, it was in my head that I wasn’t enough and that they didn’t like me (I didn’t realize it until 10 years later). Save me from being in a car wreck, to hear the Holy Spirit remind me that I need to trust him and chasing a robber only to realize that I have spent my entire life chasing the world instead of the one true God.  

Yet during all of the wrong turns in my life God never left me, just like today I never truly left the bird, I was watching him I was just waiting on him to make the move to find the way out. I believe that God tries to get our attention, gives us those moments where we know he is trying to help in our stubbornness, and we can hear it but never listen to it. That is when God becomes silent, he doesn’t leave, he just gets quiet so the words he has already told us will start to echo in our own hearts. So that we believe and truly start to hear the truth.  

That is how God is with us.   

He tries to guide us, he tries to give us opportunities to get ourselves out of the mess and then he waits on us to find our way out. I picked the verses from Hebrews because in my life I have gone into many wrong houses, especially in the pursuit of money, trying to find ways of being enough and accepted and every time I entered the wrong house God helped me get out and get to a point in my life where I am now content knowing that I am his and his is my Father, my God who will be there with me.  

The verse in Matthew is when Jesus is preaching about not worrying. When the bird flew in my house I was worried, in my own life when I am trying to do things my way and not listening to God I am consumed with worry and try to pretend that I can do things in my own strength and the truth is that I can’t do it in my own strength and God will always provide a way.  

I still face struggles but now I try and let God lead. I try to listen to him as he leads the way that he is calling me to go.  

What is God trying to get your attention to get you out of?  

Heavenly Father, I pray that you will continue to lead us and guide us all the days of our lives, especially the days when we are stubborn. Lord you are the light of our lives, help us to depend on you, to listen to you always but especially in those days when we are being stubborn. Show us Lord the areas of our lives that we need to give over to you that you are showing us are hindering us from being close to you and keeping us from your will. Lord love us, guide us, protect us. Thank you for all that you go in our lives. In your son’s name. Amen.  

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HOPE

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“through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character: and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.  Romans 5: 2-5 

  • Faith delivers us from our past 
  • Hope grows us as we learn all God has planned for us.  

Christ being born was a sign of hope to the world that God was fulfilling his promise of a savior to the world. If God fulfilled his promise then what makes us think that he won’t fulfill his promise now?  God has brought us through the depths of our past to better places and God will continue to do that.  

God showed me that hope stands for:

Hold  

Onto Faith  

Pray  

Expectantly 

Having HOPE is holding onto our faith in God and Pray Expectantly that God will continue to show us his faithfulness. We may be in a waiting season; God may be pointing you in another direction but having hope in the Lord is trusting that his will and way is better than ours.  

This post was going to be earlier this year but I started praying over it and asked God to really show me what hope is. It turns out God started showing me that I had the skewed perception of hope, I was thinking that hope was a wish from my heart that I could hold onto but God showed me that hope is so much more than that. God showed me that Jesus is our true hope and that when he has led us to a place, he won’t leave us, but we have to cling onto the hope that God has performed miracles before and he will again. We are not alone.  

God sent his son to the be the light in this dark world, hope is our light in the darkest places. Hope isn’t wishing for God to do something, hope is knowing that God has brought you through the tough places before and he will do it again. Hope is knowing that God sent his son for you and isn’t going to leave you in the places that he has brought you.  

Faith - Strength

Don’t give up.

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” I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done.” Psalm 143:5

“Rescue me from my enemies, Lord, for I hide myself in you. Teach me to do you will, for you are my God; may your good spirit lead me on level ground.” Psalm 143:9-10

“Frustration is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart.” Ecclesiastes 7:3

Don’t give up. Lately I have been battling internally with the refining that God is doing in my own life and yesterday I came across the verse in Ecclesiastes when I needed it most and my devotional this morning pointed me to the verses in Psalm 143. I felt called to remind someone that no matter how ugly it seems, how hard the hill is to climb, no matter how thick the mud is. YOU WILL COME THROUGH THIS!

Cry out to your heavenly Father.

He is listening, he is with you in every circumstance. You may think because its ugly and hard he isn’t with you but these are the moments that change everything. You have to make the decision to keep going. Lean on his strength, you are not meant to do this on your own. God is with you even when it feels like there is no way but he is just wanting you to take a step in faith, put your hope in him and his word. His word is a lamp for our feet, a light onto our path (Psalm 119:105).

We serve a faithful God. He will not leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:8), he is with you.

Get on your knees, cry out to God, scream into a pillow, call on him with a sincere heart. He will meet you right where you are. You do not have to put yourself together to meet with God, he wants you as you are.

You have made it this far, you still have a journey to continue on. Don’t give up.

Lord I pray for the person that is reading blog that you will meet them where they are. Cover them in your love, hug them, let them know that you are near to them and you will work through this for them and with them. Your strength is sufficient for us, you are faithful through every storm, to every sunrise. God you are an amazing father that will never leave us. Help us call on your name, on your strength. Remind us of your faithfulness.

I do not own the rights to this song.

Faith - Strength

Worthy & Enough

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“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Matthew 10:29-30  

“But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at his heart.”” 1 Samuel 16:7  

In my previous post Lighting up the Lies of the Devil I mentioned that the devil likes to tell us lies that make us question our worth and being enough and I want to take this post to bring light to what the Bible says about our worth and being enough, to try and shut down the lies the devil likes to use to hold us hostage.  

Throughout my life I have battled the predicament of if I am enough or worthy and I used to think that I had to be enough or have enough to be considered worthy. The definition of enough is to the degree or quantity that satisfies, or is sufficient. Worthy is having or showing qualities or abilities that merit recognition in a specified way.  

Before I looked up the definitions and what the Bible says about being enough and worthy I thought that I had to have enough to be considered worthy of some status. For example I used to think that I had to have enough money, the best job, the nice car, the great house and that would be enough and I would then consider myself worthy and the people of the world would accept me and call me worthy. Well last year I had what I thought was my enough. I got married to the man of my dreams, I was doing so well in work that I was in a leadership program, I was killing it at work, I was working out almost every morning, my car is paid off, we have an amazing house and a great dog and yet I was lost. I was so focused on getting the next thing to be considered enough that I was burnt out and I was lying to myself that I was okay.  

The truth that I was so focused on what the world said was enough that I wasn’t even looking at what God says about enough and worthy. I had it all backwards. I was focused on the world’s perspective not God’s perspective.  

In the Bible the verses that talk about sufficiency and having enough do not mention human beings being what it takes to be enough. The verses reflect that earthly satisfaction is temporary and that lasting satisfaction comes from the Lord alone.  

In Genesis 25:32-33 we see that Esau gives up his birthright to his brother Jacob for stew because he was starving for a brief moment. He was willing to give up a longer term inheritance for a short term satisfaction, hunger. In Numbers 11 the Israelites were out of slavery and on their way to the promise land that God promised them and they were complaining that they wanted the fish they had in captivity instead of gratefully eating the manna that God provided them in their freedom. When our perspective is on what we can provide ourselves or what we used to have or what other have, we diminish who God is in our lives and what he has done for us.  

Psalm 63 was written by David when he was being chased by Saul. David had been anointed by God to be the new king because Saul lost his favor with God. Saul chased David for 7 years before David would become king. In Psalm 63 David is hiding in the wilderness but he proclaims in verse 3, “Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.” I am not sure about you but if I was being chased in the wilderness after I was anointed I would have been angry, I would have some trust issues with God. But David reflected on who God, in verse 7-8 he focuses on God being his help and protector, “Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. I cling to you; your right hand upholds me.” When we catch ourselves focusing on others lives, on the worldly perspectives we become dissatisfied with our lives instead of praising God for what he has already done and what we already have. In John 6: 35 “Jesus declared, ” I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.” When we put God first in our life God puts what is supposed to be in our lives. He gives us exactly what we need in that moment, because when we focus on the more we tend to turn away from focusing on our Heavenly Father. I am not saying that God will not bless us with more than what we ask for because he does but he blesses us with the things that will keep pointing us back to him. When we have God at the center of our life what we have is enough, because what we have he specifically provided for us.  

God is our portion because he created us. He created us in his image and called us worthy from the beginning. No amount of money, the perfect house, the nice car, the degrees qualify us as enough to be worthy to God, they may make us momentarily worthy for the world but not in the kingdom of God.  

In Matthew 10: 29-31, Jesus was preparing his disciples to go out into the world to spread the good new of the gospel and was reminding them that they will experience trouble but if God takes care of the sparrows surely he will take care of them and that is the same of us. In verse 31, Jesus reminds the disciples, ” Do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” When we have God, there is no reason to fear because God will guide and protect us. In our own lives when we follow our calling for God’s purpose we will experience trials but God calls us worthy and will help us if we will turn to him.

In Mark 1:40-41 Jesus heals a man with leprosy by touching him. When Jesus healed the man he was showing us that everyone can be cleaned by God, who calls us worthy. Even the unclean Jesus found worthy of saving and making them clean.  We may not have leprosy but we have sin and God still finds us worthy through our sin, we just have to seek him.

In Genesis 1:31 “God saw all that he made, and it was very good.” On the 6th day God created the live stock and mankind and he called us good on the day we were created. Genesis 1:27, “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” we were created in the image of God not supermodels and the super rich. In Psalm 113:5-9 Jesus concerns himself with all of his people, poor, needy, princes, mothers, no mater what our relationship is with wealth or on the social ladder he is concerned with us.  No matter where you are in life God is concerned with you and still finds you worthy.

When God gave Moses the 10 Commandments he knew that we would face these questions because that is why the first commandment is to have no other gods, before God and the last is not to covet. When we keep God first and center of our life, our choices reflect a Christ centered life. We lead by example and when we focus on God we may face the temptation to covet but with God first we will have the strength to focus on what we do have and not what our neighbor has.  

Will you let God be enough for your life? Will you accept that God has already called you worthy, by creating you? 

It is a fact from the Bible that God called you worthy, your mind has to let go of your opinion of yourself and listen to what God has called you. God will take care of you, if you let him.  

When we accept the fact that we are already called WORTHY by God we don’t have to strive to be enough.  

Heavenly Father, I thank you for the person that is reading this blog and I thank you that you are our portion and we do not have to be enough to enter your presence. You called us worthy when you created us in your image and I pray that this post reminded each person that we are not called to strive as the world strives but we are to look to you as the center of our life and that is enough for us. You will always provide a way and you will always be with us. Help us remember daily that you called us worthy and you will always be enough for us no matter how many times the world tries to tell us different. Thank you for your love and your son as a living sacrifice. In your son’s name I pray. Amen.

I do not own the rights to this song.  

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Consistent

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“but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. ” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

The love of God is constant. From when we are on fire to when we are sinning God loves us. Our relationship with the Lord has to be constant to receive his word. We can’t just jump in one day and say hey Lord love you, thank you and be gone the next until a tornado rips through our lives then we come back. He will still love us even if we do that but our ability to withstand the tornado is stronger when we have that constant relationship with God. It doesn’t mean the tornado isn’t coming it just means that he will give you the strength to withstand. He allows us to come back after our period of separation and covers us in His grace and provides help but when we have the constant connection with him we start to see him in the midst of the storm instead of allowing the storm to consume us.

I used to be the person that would circle back to God when my life was messy and in what felt like shambles. I would go back to the same verses and pray that things would get better and they eventually did and then I would leave God right where I found Him until I needed him again.

Would we like it if God had that kind of relationship with us? I don’t need to use you right now, so peace out? No, we wouldn’t stay around for that, but the best thing is that we serve an amazing Father that is patiently waiting on us to come back, just like the father of the prodigal son with open arms.

But seeking God constantly helps to see him in the midst of the storm. Over the years I have wrestled with depression and still do but now on the days when I wake up heavy I cry out to God, I spend more time in the word, I seek him first because I know that this feeling will eventually pass and my God will help me see past the immediate pain I am in to continue to press forward to what is past the depressive episode.

Seeking him is hard at first until you feel the arms of the father surround you even on your darkest day.

I have laid on the floor, crying out to God, just hoping that he will hear me. I cry out in agony just wanting to feel the comfort, to feel something other than the pain, the heaviness and even when I can’t speak, and all I have is tears, he meets me right where I am. It’s not like I feel a person hug me but my heart feels this peace that I know can only come from God. It’s this stillness that comes over me and gives me something to hold on to.

Being consistent takes time.

Maybe it starts by circling back at first when life is messy but I challenge you to remember those moments when he meets you where you are. Hold those times in your heart, commit them to memory when the Lord shows up. Because when you think back it will create a calling to be close to the Lord again because you know of his grace and strength. Follow that calling. Even when you don’t feel that calling, keep searching for the Lord.

In the hard moments I encourage you to pray, talk to the Lord. Grab the bible and start to read. Turn on worship music and start to praise the Lord. When you call out and search for him he will be right there to meet you. He wants a relationship with you.

I chose the verse from 2 Corinthians because Paul was dealing with pain. He knew anguish, he knew that life was hard and he had to overcome but he knew that with God he could overcome the pain. God is our main resource, our life line. Where we are weak God shows his strength. He picks up where we leave off.

When I encounter depressive episodes, no matter how tired I am to read a devotional, even if its only 5 minutes. I turn on worship music and I talk to God and tell him I am in pain, I am hurting and I don’t understand why but I need you. I need your strength to get through this day. I need your strength to get me through and he meets me where I am. My days are far from perfect and the depression doesn’t go completely away but it doesn’t control my mind. I start to feel lighter each time I turn to him. I also know that I must take care of myself in those moments to equip myself to be strong so that God has good equipment (me) to use to work on. That means for me working out, eating right, getting more sleep, letting my husband know that I am in a funk, and being honest with myself that I am struggling and I need God.

I need God everyday but especially those days when I am in a dark place. He is there for you as well. You just have to reach out to him. The love of God is constant, start consistently moving towards Him and you will experience a love like no other, a peace that is beyond understanding. He is calling for you even in the moments when you feel alone, scared, anxious, tired, angry, hurt.

When you make it out of the darkness remember to praise His name and remember what He has done.

Lord I pray for the person that read this post. I thank you for them and that they are here for the purpose you placed on their life. Lord I ask that you draw near to them and remind them of your strength. Remind them that you will not leave them. I pray that you will surround them with your peace that only you can provide and show them what it is like to truly know you. Lord bless the person reading this post, the people in their lives and help them where they are struggling. Meet them right where they are. In your sons name, amen.

I do not own the rights to this song but love Elevation Worship and Brandon Lake. This is an amazing song about God’s love.

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Perseverance

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“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

The Lord spoke to Joshua when he was to lead the Isrealites into the promise land and He told Joshua just as He was with Moses he would be with him. To successfully lead the Isrealites, Joshua had to trust God, be strong and courageous.

Even when you feel heavy and the weight of the world is on your shoulders you still have to push through. Just like Joshua. Push through the uncertainty, the lack of strength, the voices inside of your head telling you not to and this is stupid and worthless. Push through with courage and strength from God.

God has called us to be warriors not worriers. He calls us not to be timid but reminds us that God give us power, love and have self control (2 Timothy 1:7).

In my last post, Lighting up the Lies of the Devil, I talked about what are you holding on to that the devil told you that is holding you back. When life gets hard, as it always does, what do you do? Do you sit down and give up believing the lies from satan that you are not enough, you don’t have what it takes? OR do you fight back? I hope that you fight back. There is always going to be the moment that life will knock you down but you also have to stand back up. Life is not about what knocks you down, it’s about how you stand up.

There have been things you have been learning to overcome your whole life and there is a purpose for that. You may not know that purpose now but I promise you one day, God will show you why. I’ve had insecurities about being enough for others, having enough money, worried that my work ethic isn’t good enough on the way to burnout. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety and having the strength to keep pushing forward. Beating myself down trying to maintain what the world deems as enough but the truth is that God already made me enough. He has made YOU enough.

Those obstacles that you are constantly fighting to get through are going to show you that you have the strength, you are enough because God said you were and he will always provide a way when it’s his will for your life.

Maybe you keep getting knocked down because that road you keep trying to go down isn’t meant for you. What if you are meant to get up and go in another direction? The direction that God is calling you to. Will it be hard to turn around? Yes. Will it require change and sacrifice? Yes. Will it be worth it? Absolutely. Trials produce perseverance and perseverance produces character. (Romans 5:3 & James 1:2-3)

When I was 15 until I was 21 I worked at a hot dog/ ice cream shack and when I would work day shift and see people leave their job to come get lunch I used to think to myself and pray to God, one day I will have a job where I can leave and enjoy lunch. I will have a job with benefits, a salary and good people to work with. Did it happen right away. No. It took time. When I was 21 I started a job at a boutique that opened my eyes to a new world of possibilities for a job. When I was 24 I got my first job with a salary and benefits. When I was 27 I finally made it to a job where I have great benefits, a great salary, great people to work with and I get to go out for lunch and enjoy it. It took over 10 years, with a lot of bumps in between. This may seem trivial to you but this one area of my life has impacted others areas of my life and my faith in what God can do for me.

Little by little God gave me what I was asking for to ensure that once I got all of it I could handle it. Little by little I was thankful for the small wins and did I question why I couldn’t get it all at once, of course I did but now looking back on it I kept pushing forward in the hope that one day God would provide.

Trusting God is hard work but the return of love, protection, provision and so much more will enrich your life tenfold. The God that holds tomorrow in his hands also holds you. He has a purpose for your life, don’t let it pass you by because you won’t step out in faith and trust Him.

God I thank you for the person that is reading this blog. I thank you for your words of wisdom and guidance. Lord I pray that you continually work in our lives to persevere through life’s obstacles and that you will provide us with guidance, strength, courage and love every time we stand back up. Lord I pray that when our internal flames start to dim that you will reignite our flames to move forward in the purpose you have for our lives. Lord thank for you our challenges, thank you for your love and thank you for another day to follow your will. In your Son’s name we pray, Amen.