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Becoming

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“So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today – to love the Lord your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul – then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and olive oil. I will provide grass in the fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied.” – Deuteronomy 11:13-15 

Moses was reminding the Israelites before they would enter the promise land to remember to follow God’s commands and not rebel as they did in the wilderness and the Lord will bless them.  

Have you ever had the thought that if you could just make it to your next goal, your next destination that everything would be better?  

In my life I have lived in moments where I thought that if I make it to the next milestone, to the next goal, when I get all these things, my life will be better. Several years ago, I was at a point in my life where I had a great job, in a leadership program for work, I was married to the guy I love and was finally debt free. Yet, my heart was in anguish, and I was confused on my purpose in life. I thought that I was at the point of arrival I had been praying for. 

I’ve been wrestling with this internal dilemma for years, and I started coming to the revelation that maybe the end destination isn’t the goal at all. It’s about the growth of who I am becoming within the process of getting to the next destination. 

Recently I was in a spin class, and our instructor made a comment that resonated with me, she said, “I am always in a season of growth.” For a moment I was like wait what, I’m not the only one and then she followed up with that she is continually growing that it’s not about the destination it’s about the growth. After that class in the car ride home, my mind started to think about the concept of growth and for some reason for me the Israelites are always what I think about when I think of growth. I think I resonate (not proudly) with dealing with the consequences of my actions and going against what the Lord has told me and recognizing my mistakes and coming back to him.  

While I think that God was 100% committed to saving the Israelites from slavery in Egypt, I think he also just wanted the hearts of his people to purely want him. Which is what he wants from us.  

The growth in our lives is the refining moments that get our hearts where they need to be in our relationship with Christ. Making it to the promised land didn’t mean that the growth was supposed to stop. It continued. In every season the Israelites had to listen and follow God. Just as God is asking the same of us.  

The wilderness taught dependence.  

The Promised Land required faithfulness.  

One season was about learning to trust God for daily manna.  

The next was about trusting Him while planting vineyards, raising families, governing a nation, and resisting the temptation to become like everyone around them.  

Sound familiar? 

The location changed.  

The need for transformation never did.  

We often imagine life in chapters:  

“Once I get married…”  

“Once I have children…”  

“Once the babies sleep…”  

“Once I’m healthier…”  

“Once I finally conquer this sin…”  

We expect arrival.  

But God seems far more interested in continual formation than final arrival. Every new season simply uncovers another layer of our heart that He wants to redeem.  

For me personally I struggle with the seasons of plenty like the Israelites because life seems to get a little easier, I start to feel like I can handle life on my own, whereas when I am in my wilderness seasons or harder growth seasons, I tend to depend more on God and listening to his word, diving in more for answers because he is my rock when I am not strong but yet I when life gets easier I tend to jump off the rock and start working on my own instead of being faithful to the rock that was there for me.  

I started reading more about the Israelites and in Deuteronomy 3:21-29 Moses is speaking about how the Lord told him that he would not be going into the promise land.  

Let’s be real if I was Moses, I would be begging the Lord to let me go in too. You asked me to lead this selfish group for 40 years to get to this place and we are getting there and I don’t get to go in? The Lord told Moses to go to the top of Pisgah and look at the land from there, but he would not be crossing the Jordan. Then the Lord tells Moses, “But commission Joshua, and encourage and strengthen him, for he will lead this people across and will cause them to inherit the land that you will see.” The human instinct in me is to be mad for Moses, but the Lord had bigger plans. Moses had been through so much in 40 years, he had wisdom to share with Joshua but Joshua was the one God chose and when God makes those discissions do we tend to fight him about it or do what he ask of us and encourage the person that is taking over? Moses grew in those 40 years and the Lord used him to lead the people and that was what God intended for Moses.  

What about our own lives? What about when we have been prepping and pushing for one goal and the Lord says, no, not yet. It has happened to me more times than I would like because sometimes Morgan’s plans start to interfere with the plans that the Lord has for me.  

As I mentioned earlier, I was at a point in my life where I had been pushing my plans, the corporate girl, married wifey status and trying to make it all work but my heart was in anguish because I could feel God telling me, this isn’t the life that I have planned for you. You have been trying so hard to do your plan, you aren’t listening to me anymore. (ouch, gut check much?) Then I got pregnant with my son and God started to teach me Surrender in a whole new way that I never knew. (Link to that story here) Several months after he was born, I got pregnant with my daughter, and she was born 1 year and 4 days after my son. The first year of her life was extremely hard for me. The perfectionist in me to be the best mom, wife, employee, all the things to all people and God corrected my heart again and said I’m not asking you to be all the things to all people. I want you to be mine and if you can commit to me then the other areas of your life will align.  

Not saying that my life has gotten easier and problems disappeared, but they have become manageable because I see God instead of the problems and in all transparency not every day is like that but when I start on the right foot putting God first, it changes my perspective.  

Growth is a necessity in life, in our walk with Christ, in our relationships and in self-discovery but the thing that we have to realize is that while we may be putting in the work to change, God is the one actually making the change. He is the one that is making the muscle change and grow (he created our muscular system), the plants produce a harvest, (we plant it, he makes it grow out of the seed).  

Our life is not about arrival, its about becoming.  

Becoming who Christ is calling you to be.  

To become who Christ is calling us to be, we must look back at the Israelites and look in our own hearts and ask ourselves: 

  • What are the idols in our own life preventing us from getting to God? 
  • What weeds are in our heart garden and choking our growth? 
  • What is stealing God’s attention in our lives?  

Just as weeds steal sunlight, water, and nutrients from healthy plants, tolerated sin slowly steals our affection, our attention, and our capacity to hear God’s voice clearly. Not because God moves away, but because something else has begun occupying the space He desires to fill. 

So maybe the invitation isn’t to constantly strive for some impossible version of ourselves. 

Maybe it’s this: 

The Christian life is not one long journey toward finally arriving. It is one long invitation to continually surrender. 

The wilderness required surrender. 

The Promised Land required surrender. 

Exile required surrender. 

Restoration required surrender. 

Different landscapes. 

The same invitation. 

And perhaps that is what sanctification really is—not climbing a ladder toward God, but repeatedly opening another room of our heart and saying, 

“Lord, I didn’t realize this part still belonged more to Egypt than to You. Help me clear it out so there’s more room for Your life to grow.” 

Who is the Lord calling you to become? 

Lord, I thank you that, you love us so much that you will fight for us. You will save us when are drowning, you will lift us up and you are always there when we look for you. Lord our days are not perfect and I pray that for myself and anyone that reads this post will realize that you are more concerned about our hearts and refining our hearts to be more like you than you are about the destination we end at. Lord I pray that you will be with us like you were with the Israelites, that you will guide us and love us even on our worst days. Lord may the highest place we reach be at your feet and then we have done it all. We live in a world consumed about “making it” and you’ve never asked us to “make it” you ask us to come to you. May we come to you always. In your son’s name, Amen.  

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Light the Path

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Psalm 119:105:”Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. 

Do you ever desire to just know the plans that God has for you from start to finish?  

I’ll be very honest, I do. I would like a map, bullet point system of how to handle the messy parts of life, how to rejoice in the beautiful moments, and do everything that he asks me to do.  

A month ago, at 430 in the morning as I drove to my work out class, I started to wonder about when you are driving down a dark road with no road lamps, but there is a car in front of you so your auto brights turn off and all you can see are the taillights of the car a ways in front of you. You can only see what is right in front of you, unlike if there was no car in my path my brights would be on fully and I could see the sides of the road, the impending deer, the curve I should slow down for, I would be depending on my navigation skills and my own eyes with no one leading the way but I would be able to see things in front of me.  

Then I started thinking. Isn’t that what our life with Christ is like? When we don’t follow him and we just do it our own way or the world’s way, we see the path but it’s up to us to just figure it out. Where is we were to follow the car in front of us (Christ) and we followed the speed limit and continued on the road we wouldn’t have to constantly be on the lookout for deer or the curve the car in front of us would slow for the deer and would show us when to break to prepare for the curve. 

We are driving on the dark road of life and we are either following the car in front of us or we are doing it on our own.  On the road we have our secure vehicle carrying us, headlights that illuminate the road in front of us and the tail lights in the distance reminding you where you are headed.  

And yet we keep driving. Not because we can see everything but because we can see enough.  

We want God to illuminate his plan in our journey – the destination, the detours, the obstacles, the timing, the outcome. Instead, he gives us enough light to take the next step. The headlights reveal only what is immediately before us. The distant taillights are the promise, the calling, the direction He has given. Everything in between requires trust.  

There are seasons when God could reveal more but chooses not to. Not because he doesn’t love us or is withholding from us, but because moving too far out in front of us to where our bright lights come back on might hinder our dependance on him. If we could see every obstacle ahead, we might be tempted to turn around, take control, or become consumed by fear.  

Instead God let’s us encounter things as they come.  

The deer.  

The curve.  

In those moments, that is when we discover whether the vehicle carrying us is trustworthy. Is our relationship with Christ in a place that we can grieve openly and honestly, is our relationship so trustworthy that we can be open and surrender to our savior?  

Perhaps the lesson isn’t that God promises an obstacle free road. It’s that he promises to be present for every obstacle we encounter.  

As I studied Psalm 119:105 God started to reveal himself even more.  

The lamp unto our feet – is our Bible. Giving us the knowledge to not stumble over the roots of false values and philosophies.  

I was then directed to Proverbs 6:23 “For this command is a lamp, this teaching is a light and correction and instruction are the way to life” While this section of Proverbs is talking about adultery, the beginning talks about the teaching of our fathers and mothers and how we should keep our fathers commands and not forsake our mother’s teachings.  

As we think about our relationship with Christ, he gives us the commands within the Bible on how to live and the teachings we get from those commands and scriptures are the light which will guide our steps on these dark roads.  

I’ll be the first to admit I am constantly being taught and corrected and if you ask my parents, especially my mom she would tell you I always seemed to take the hard road because I never listened. She wouldn’t be wrong because there have been many parts of my life where I have refused to listen to wise advice because I wanted to see for myself. I wanted to see if God would fight to get me back and while you are not supposed to put God to the test, he does love his children and he will come find you. He will rescue you from the pits of hell if you will let him.  

As I continued to study the cross references, I was led to Psalm 19:8 “The precepts (rule/ principle) of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes.” The light that God gives us comes from knowing and following the commands he has given us. Which is why when we follow him we don’t have to put our bright lights on and depend on ourselves. His words will light the way in our lives.  

If you question his words, his commands, look at Psalm 12:6 “The words of the Lord are flawless, like silver purified in a crucible, like gold refined seven times.” Gold doesn’t have to be refined 7 times in actuality but the point that David is making in the Psalm is that 7 is the number of perfection or completion. God’s word is perfect, it’s complete. We just have to read it,  put it on our hearts and follow his commands.  

You may read this and think okay Morgan, that is good and well and I do believe that but how in the heck do you do that in real life?  

You don’t know my life; it’s hard.  

I get that I come from the school of hard knocks and I’ll be the first one to tell you that I have not followed all the things God has told me to do. I screw up daily, but my heart just wants to follow God and I am human. That is not an excuse for my sins and not listening but it’s a self-awareness that I won’t be perfect but like David, I can continue to have a heart that pursues God daily.  

God chose imperfect people to write the bible because the only perfect person was his son Christ Jesus. He wanted us to see that through our mistakes he would be there. He would give us guidance to help us move forward. Does he give us the full road map so we know when we need to make a u-turn, when the deer is in our path or the curve ahead. No he’s not going to. Trust me I’ve prayed for that and still haven’t gotten it. But I will tell you what I have gotten. Hard experiences that brought me closer to God in my relationship with him. He has taught me to learn to catch my negative thinking and turn it around. He has showed me the people in my life that are there for me. He has shown me how strong I am through giving me hard things to handle. The road that God has for us is not easy but it is worth it. When you let God light your way, it doesn’t get easier but it does start to mean something so much more, so much deeper.  

Heavenly Father, I thank you for the car in front of me at 430 in the morning that inspired this post. I thank you for John Knitter posting how he felt to remind me why you have it on my heart to write. Lord I thank you for the seasons of just enough and plenty. I thank you for guiding my path and I thank you for the person reading this post. Lord you have different paths for each of us and I pray that this would be our reminder from you to let you guide our steps. That your words would be forever imprinted on our hearts. That you would change us from the inside out. Lord I am not perfect and I won’t pretend to be but Lord I pray that you will be with me as I continue to pursue you with my whole heart.  

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A Case of “Mask”taken-identity  

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Have you ever been mistaken for someone else or tried to be someone else? I know with Halloween right around the corner everyone tends to dress up in costumes, something that they are not normally, but is that really just for Halloween or are we wearing a mask every day? 

Throughout my life I have worn many mask – to try and be popular, the party girl, the people pleaser, the hypocritical Christian, the overachiever, and several others. Over the last several years I have started breaking down the mask that I would hide behind to try and find the person that God created me to be. When you deny your true identity to come forward, we end up with a case of mistaken identity. We use the mask for a new identity to be something or someone that we are not.  

When I first started wearing masks in middle school it started easy, just be who people want you to be but then the internal dilemmas started that I didn’t know how to process. Instead of working through those internal dilemmas, I started creating more masks and trying to cover up and stay away from who I was because I didn’t like her and I didn’t think anyone else would like her. I didn’t really know her, but I didn’t like her. You may be thinking how do you not like someone you’ve never met? By believing lies about them. 

 I didn’t think that anyone else would like her so I decided to hide her. It became easier to change the mask because it started to become my “armor” to take away the pain of not having real friends and feeling lonely. After a while the armor allowed me to be numb and not worry about anyone but myself, or so I thought, but I was still the lonely girl the only difference was that I was numb to the pain that I was feeling. The problem with being numb is that eventually the numbness wears off and the pain comes back and when you have been numb for years the pain that bubbles up is unbearable, it feels shameful, its hard to walk through the wreckage.  

After years of struggles, therapy and deepening my faith in Christ I had to confess to myself that I actually had a deep hate for myself because I felt as though I was never enough. Growing up I started to learn about God and his love but then I started listening to the lies of the devil that after small mistakes had me thinking I wasn’t worthy of God’s love let alone anyone else’s but yet I craved it. The lies made me think that I had to do and be all things for everyone instead of who God created me to be.  

I asked God’s forgiveness for hating myself, for not believing in who he created me to be, falling into a life of sin to try and hide the pain and made a promise to start working through my problems.  

The journey to break through the masks has been hard and painful but it’s been extremely rewarding to truly find out who I am. A woman who loves Christ, who loves those closest to her, has big feelings and is emotional (yes I cry reading a good card), and is still working on herself daily.  

This past week I was in a spin class and the instructor was talking about how she used to fake putting on more resistance on the wheel and make it look like she was struggling. She explained that when she faked it she only cheated herself from growth. It made me start thinking about the mask that I have used in my life. They all cheated me out of finding who God created me to be earlier in my life and building that confidence. They cheated me of opportunities to let God into my heart earlier to help me through problems and rely on him. Instead, I wore the masks and relied on myself, leaving me broken and lonely.  

Now that I have committed to following Christ I have started to break down the masks and take up my cross. It has been a long process that still continues. It is a daily battle, continual surrender to be who God is calling me to be. It is not easy, I meet opposition all the time to discourage me from following the path God has on my life, (like trying to write blog post) but I have to endure and press forward in faith, in who God created me to be.

Paul reminds us in Ephesians that we are to “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” (6:11-17) 

The difference with my worldly mask that I thought was armor is that it was just the appearance of armor but with God, he gives us armor to protect ourselves and to fight back. The masks that I wore didn’t protect me, it only hurt me, God’s armor protects me.  

The world wants us to be acceptable by the world’s standards (money, fame, looks, clothes, cars etc.) God wants us to pursue his heart just as we are. We can come as broken and ugly as we believe we are and he loves us that way and works within our broken pieces to make us new, not because he doesn’t love us but because he DOES love us. 

His love for us wants what is best for us. That is a life that is following his word, full of faith, helping and loving other, and learning to love ourselves.  

Heavenly Father, I praise you that you helped me take off my mask and you revealed to me who you have called me to be. Though I still sometimes fail I praise your name that you do not give up on me. Lord thank you for the person that read this post and I pray that if they are still hiding behind a mask that you will move within their heart to take off the mask and reveal their true identity of who you created them to be. Heavenly Father you are the master creator and I praise you that you created me and all the people of this Earth, I pray that myself and others will come to you and fall at your feet. Lord lead us to follow you. Thank you for another day on this earth. In your son’s name, Amen.