Have you ever been mistaken for someone else or tried to be someone else? I know with Halloween right around the corner everyone tends to dress up in costumes, something that they are not normally, but is that really just for Halloween or are we wearing a mask every day? 

Throughout my life I have worn many mask – to try and be popular, the party girl, the people pleaser, the hypocritical Christian, the overachiever, and several others. Over the last several years I have started breaking down the mask that I would hide behind to try and find the person that God created me to be. When you deny your true identity to come forward, we end up with a case of mistaken identity. We use the mask for a new identity to be something or someone that we are not.  

When I first started wearing masks in middle school it started easy, just be who people want you to be but then the internal dilemmas started that I didn’t know how to process. Instead of working through those internal dilemmas, I started creating more masks and trying to cover up and stay away from who I was because I didn’t like her and I didn’t think anyone else would like her. I didn’t really know her, but I didn’t like her. You may be thinking how do you not like someone you’ve never met? By believing lies about them. 

 I didn’t think that anyone else would like her so I decided to hide her. It became easier to change the mask because it started to become my “armor” to take away the pain of not having real friends and feeling lonely. After a while the armor allowed me to be numb and not worry about anyone but myself, or so I thought, but I was still the lonely girl the only difference was that I was numb to the pain that I was feeling. The problem with being numb is that eventually the numbness wears off and the pain comes back and when you have been numb for years the pain that bubbles up is unbearable, it feels shameful, its hard to walk through the wreckage.  

After years of struggles, therapy and deepening my faith in Christ I had to confess to myself that I actually had a deep hate for myself because I felt as though I was never enough. Growing up I started to learn about God and his love but then I started listening to the lies of the devil that after small mistakes had me thinking I wasn’t worthy of God’s love let alone anyone else’s but yet I craved it. The lies made me think that I had to do and be all things for everyone instead of who God created me to be.  

I asked God’s forgiveness for hating myself, for not believing in who he created me to be, falling into a life of sin to try and hide the pain and made a promise to start working through my problems.  

The journey to break through the masks has been hard and painful but it’s been extremely rewarding to truly find out who I am. A woman who loves Christ, who loves those closest to her, has big feelings and is emotional (yes I cry reading a good card), and is still working on herself daily.  

This past week I was in a spin class and the instructor was talking about how she used to fake putting on more resistance on the wheel and make it look like she was struggling. She explained that when she faked it she only cheated herself from growth. It made me start thinking about the mask that I have used in my life. They all cheated me out of finding who God created me to be earlier in my life and building that confidence. They cheated me of opportunities to let God into my heart earlier to help me through problems and rely on him. Instead, I wore the masks and relied on myself, leaving me broken and lonely.  

Now that I have committed to following Christ I have started to break down the masks and take up my cross. It has been a long process that still continues. It is a daily battle, continual surrender to be who God is calling me to be. It is not easy, I meet opposition all the time to discourage me from following the path God has on my life, (like trying to write blog post) but I have to endure and press forward in faith, in who God created me to be.

Paul reminds us in Ephesians that we are to “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” (6:11-17) 

The difference with my worldly mask that I thought was armor is that it was just the appearance of armor but with God, he gives us armor to protect ourselves and to fight back. The masks that I wore didn’t protect me, it only hurt me, God’s armor protects me.  

The world wants us to be acceptable by the world’s standards (money, fame, looks, clothes, cars etc.) God wants us to pursue his heart just as we are. We can come as broken and ugly as we believe we are and he loves us that way and works within our broken pieces to make us new, not because he doesn’t love us but because he DOES love us. 

His love for us wants what is best for us. That is a life that is following his word, full of faith, helping and loving other, and learning to love ourselves.  

Heavenly Father, I praise you that you helped me take off my mask and you revealed to me who you have called me to be. Though I still sometimes fail I praise your name that you do not give up on me. Lord thank you for the person that read this post and I pray that if they are still hiding behind a mask that you will move within their heart to take off the mask and reveal their true identity of who you created them to be. Heavenly Father you are the master creator and I praise you that you created me and all the people of this Earth, I pray that myself and others will come to you and fall at your feet. Lord lead us to follow you. Thank you for another day on this earth. In your son’s name, Amen.